The future's not ours to see...is it?

Since I was a teenager, I have been fascinated with death. I realize that sounds extremely weird, but it’s true. Not so much the dying part, but the “what happens after” part. I wasn’t one of those kids who saw ghosts or anything like that, but I did have an experience that ignited my interest.

I was 14 years old, and I had just attended a local hockey game, in which my brother was playing. My brother had gotten hurt in the game during a fight, and was going to go to the hospital (which was right across the street from our house) to either get stitches, or an x-ray. I don’t remember the details. I do remember going home, and waiting for him to return. My mother then let me know how my brother was doing, and also informed me that my grandpa Delbert (my patriarchal grandfather) had been admitted into the hospital earlier that evening. She asked if I wanted to go over to see him, but I figured I would stop by on my way to school the next day.

My grandpa, for as long as I can remember, struggled with his health. He suffered from diabetes, high blood pressure, gout, poor circulation, a heart condition, loss of hearing, and had many surgeries for bone replacement. So, my grandpa being in the hospital was not exactly something out of the ordinary, and more of a regular occurrence. Nonetheless, my grandfather found ways to remain the positive, quick witted and charismatic man he was. Grandpa Delbert was one of the wisest people I knew, and he and he I had a very special bond.

Grandpa wasn’t really much of an emotional talker, very much a man of few words, but when he did speak, he spoke with knowledge and passion. He loved to size people up and intimidate them with his silence. I remember my friends being scared of his big booming voice (totally Mufasa from the Lion King vibes, and he even kind of looked like James Earl Jones), but he was like a big teddy bear to me. Grandpa would always take the opportunity to spend time to teach me things. Whether it was fishing, learning about birds, learning to lose at cards, reading Archie comics, or laughing whole heartedly. He had a twisted sense of humour, and he loved playing tricks on people. When I was a little girl, as a joke, he once asked me to go to his room and grab his false teeth for him, thinking that I would be grossed out and wouldn't do it. He was curious what I would do. I will never forget his big belly laugh, when I proudly marched over to him, and set his teeth on his lap. I was determined to not let him make fun of me, and he loved my fire. We were very close.

That’s why, to this day, I still feel guilty that I didn’t go see him that last time at the hospital. I honestly thought it was just another hospital visit, and he would be discharged in a couple of days like always. After my brother was cleared to go home, he popped by my grandpa’s hospital room for a quick visit. He was the last person to see my grandfather alive.

I was in my bedroom, listening to music, and experimenting with some bold coloured eyeshadows, when I heard my brother come home. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I had this strange feeling wash over me… a feeling of being watched. But, not watched by just anyone, I felt my grandpa in my room. I felt him laughing at my makeup (he use to tell me I was too young and pretty to wear makeup, or that I looked like a clown) and I absent mindedly started wiping it off, thinking to myself “ok grandpa, just for you”. Then I stopped myself half way through, and realized what happened. I was soon interrupted by my thoughts, as the house phone loudly rang. My mother answered, and began crying. I went cold. I knew what happened without having to be told.

I never told anyone for a long time of my experience with my grandpa passing, then the week he passed, stranger things began happening that left me further on edge. Grandpa visited my dreams almost every night. Then the night of his funeral, we had a house packed of people staying at the farm, and my dad wanted me to sleep out in the living room alone. In the living room, was my grandpas worn, green leather chair, and beside it, was a touch lamp that would start out dim, and brighten to two more levels upon physical contact. It was my grandpa’s corner, where he spent many days reading or watching tv. NO ONE was allowed to sit in his chair in HIS corner. My initial internal reaction was “hell no I’m not sleeping out here by myself!" However, I couldn’t say that, without explaining to my dad what had happened previously that had me so scared.

So, I sucked it up, and made myself a bed on the couch. Later that evening, after waking up from yet another dream about grandpa, as I stared into the darkness of the living room, suddenly the touch lamp turned on by itself. I stared at it in shock, as it went to the next brightness level, and then the third where it stayed on. I was quite young, and needless to say, scared shitless. I screamed for my dad right away. My dad came and tried to soothe me, by explaining that perhaps a fly had bumped into the lamp. He began tossing things at it so see if it would turn on. It didn’t. I didn't sleep that whole night. Now as an adult looking back, I realize that there was nothing to be scared of, and it was just my grandpa reaching out. Ever since then, I have always prayed or talked to my loved ones, in times of needed comfort or strength, as though they can hear me, because I believe they can.

When my father suddenly passed away three years ago, my desire to believe in an afterlife was strengthened that much more. I had questions, about life, about faith, about reality…and I needed answers. I do want to start by saying, that I consider myself a Christian. I believe in a higher power, and I desperately need to believe that there is a life after death, to make sense of things. That being said, I do believe that God created us all, we ALL have a purpose and unique gifts, and ALL those gifts are special.

Some have told me, that seeking the future, or looking to connect with loved ones who have passed, is like playing games with the devil. I think that’s bull shit. I think that certain people have special gifts, and if anything, those gifts can strengthen one’s belief in an everlasting life. I know it did for me. If God created us all, then why would he give these people special gifts in the first place? Angels came down from heaven to give messages when needed, so why can’t our loved ones do the same? A lot of that is a debate for another day, but you get the overall message I am trying to portray before we truly start.

I had heard about the first medium Patsy, through a good family friend. She lived far away, but would sometimes visit a nearby city for medium/psychic readings. When I attended the appointment only two months after my father had passed, my husband Jory came with me. Immediately upon meeting Patsy, she was quite quirky, but I felt an overwhelming amount of warmth, and I knew I was in good hands. She first read my palm, and told me EXACTLY how my personality was. Everything from being a “type A” personality, to explaining how I deal with conflict. Then she read Jory’s palm, and nailed his personality as well. We were careful not to give too much information, but when she was correct (which was always) we couldn’t control our amazement. She told us of our fortunes, explaining that she won’t tell us when we die, but that from what she could see, we both would live very long and healthy lives. She talked about our future, which was a little vague, but overall, exactly what I hoped it would be, which was reassuring. Then she talked about our daughter, who was yet to even be conceived. She was CERTAIN that we would conceive a little girl, and soon, with beautiful brown eyes, A LOT of personality, and a big heart. She said she could see her, and she was adorable. I didn’t know what to think at the time.

Then Patsy began the medium part of the session, which was more for me than my husband. She had said that an older woman was coming through, who loved baking, and said she was my grandma. “Oh great”, I thought to myself, pretty convenient that the first person who comes through is a grandparent, which is a pretty obvious one for most people. Also, both my grandmothers were very much alive. This lady MUST be a fake. Then Patsy continued on. This little woman was insistent she was a "grandma" to me, as she took care of me often, and was very bossy. I then started to think that I knew who it was… my grandma’s sister, Aunty Martha. She would be the kind of person who would say she was another "grandma", because she basically was to me. This was then confirmed at my next session, which I will talk about later. Patsy said that the supposed Aunty Martha, was my guardian angel, who watched over me all the time, and carried with her the two angel babies my mother had lost.

Then my father came through. She said it was a man who had died well before his time, from an instant heart attack, that felt like a fridge landed on his chest. He felt nothing. She did say, however, that a young woman was with him for two weeks before he passed, trying to make him feel comforted. I could only assume that the young woman was his second wife Cheryl, who had passed before him from cancer.

Patsy answered my questions I had for my father, which at the time gave me so much comfort. He was ok, he was happy, and he was with his family, including my grandpa Delbert. Before we left the appointment, we even had a surprise visit from Jory’s grandma, giving him some life advice, and expressing her frustration that I don’t garden. Overall, we left the appointment, having our minds completely opened, and a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders, knowing that my dad was ok, he loved us, and was sorry for the way some things had happened.

I did however, wonder why only some people came through to me. Why not my grandpas? Why not my step mother Cheryl, whom I had unfinished business/emotions to discuss? Did no one else want to talk to me? How did this work?

A couple months later, a few situations ensued, that had me feeling lost again, in regards to my relationship with my father. It was making it difficult to move on with my grief journey, and I felt that I needed to talk to him again. Now, I know what you are thinking…RED FLAG. I did NOT want to become someone who was obsessed with seeing mediums to talk to the dearly departed, because I couldn’t deal with my grief. At the time…that’s exactly who I was. But also, I needed reassurance that what Patsy told me, was legit. I NEEDED to believe, that everything is ok on the other side wherever that is, as someone I was dealing with on earth, was testing my faith. Also, being the planner that I am, I had full intentions of writing a blog on all of this, and I knew that having TWO medium experiences to compare, would make for a more interesting blog post.

I had followed a medium named Angela for a while on social media, and was intrigued with how young she was, her overall lifestyle, and her work with the local police force on cold cases. I felt that she would be the perfect person to help me visit with my father again. Upon meeting her, she was much more casual than Patsy. I think it threw me off a bit, just how “normal” she seemed. I wasn’t expecting a voo-doo witch doctor or anything like that, but her overall calm, collected, and charming demeanour, shocked me a bit. She was someone I could easily be friends with outside of the experience. I felt myself much more open going into this session. Not sure if it was because I was so relaxed with Angela, or if I had already had a medium session and knew what to expect, or that I was just so desperate to talk to my father. Either way, I gave Angela much more information and input, than I did Patsy.

Angela started by doing a psychic reading on myself. She talked about Jory and I being a good match, and both living long healthy lives. She did however, talk about Jory’s family and their heart conditions (which is true), and how that may be the demise of Jory eventually, but not until he is a very old man. She like Patsy, said that I would be pregnant soon, but more specifically in the late spring. She said she doesn’t believe in souls having gender, BUT she was getting an extremely strong “girl” vibe coming through. She also predicted our business acquiring a permanent shop within the next few years, as well as some information regarding Jory’s brother, his health, and his future. Unfortunately, in regards to Brandon, she was spot on about everything.

When we started the mediumship part of the session, the first person who came through, was again, a small elderly woman, claiming to be my grandma. Except this time, I received more information, confirming her identity. This time, she showed her death. She showed Angela, tubes down her throat, and instantly I knew it indeed WAS my Aunty Martha. Aunty had passed away while on life support, that began with a broken hip, and then later she developed pneumonia. Aunty told Angela, that she is always by my side, frequents my home often to snoop (those who knew my Aunty, knew she often did this in other people’s homes when visiting), and she is indeed my guardian angel. At this point, I was bawling like a baby.

My maternal grandfather did pop by for a quick hello, but more to tell me that he watches over all the great grandchildren, which was great to hear, but really, could have been predicted by anyone.

The next person, who came through, was again my father. She described my dad perfectly, everything from his physical appearance, to his flirtatious and goofy personality, to his need to avoid conflict, to his wishy washy decision making, to his instant death. I had many questions for my father at this point, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the responses. It truly felt like what he supposedly told me, would be EXACTLY my father’s words, which was comforting, and equally frustrating. My father was just as nonchalant in death, as he was alive, and I couldn’t help but find the humour in that. He wasn’t changing for anybody. Stubborn man. I did however, get some answers to some serious questions, reassurance of his unwavering love, and apologies for his regrets. These conversations, which I will not go into, were so extremely detailed, that I can honestly say, I believe I was talking to my departed father.

After this appointment with Angela, part of me felt a bit conflicted for a while about my beliefs, religious and non, but overall, I felt contentment. Like, everything was going to be ok, and that is exactly what I needed. I knew that at some point in my life, I would like to see a medium again, but next time it would be more for research, and satisfying my curiosity.

Fast forward two years, to 2021. We were now in our second year of Covid, we had given birth to our beautiful baby girl (with brown eyes, who was conceived late spring), our business purchased a permanent shop, and we had lost my brother in-law. All accurate predictions by Angela, and some by Patsy as well. So many things had changed, since our last medium experiences, that I knew I was ready to see one again, and this time, so was Jory. Jory was a believer of mediums, having been amazed by the things Patsy and Angela had told me, but he was still hesitant.

Wanting to try someone new, we went with a lady named Cora, who was suggested to us through a family member, that had an amazing experience with her. Cora was located in Alberta, but was willing to do a Facetime session. Upon meeting Cora, again, we were surprised with how “normal” she was. She was such a warm, magnetic person, with whom you felt comfortable with immediately. Jory and I decided that the session would be more geared towards HIM and connecting with HIS loved ones, as opposed to mine. I had after all, done this twice before, and already had the opportunity to talk to my loved ones.

When we started the session, one of Jory’s grandfathers came through with important advice for Jory, on how to deal with certain situations, current and future. I won’t go into details, as that’s a private conversation between Jory and his grandfather.

Then the next visitor was like a kick in the gut, as we didn’t expect it AT ALL. If you have read my blog post on Maddox’s Birth Story, you know all about Cooper. Little Cooper came to see us, and we were so honoured, as tears flooded both our faces and our emotions ran wild. Cora knew how Cooper had passed, she knew of his sweet and goofy personality and our personal connection to him, without us saying a word. She allowed us to receive special messages from him that we in turn, passed onto his parents. It was a “wow” moment, that I am extremely grateful for, and will never forget.

After our visit with Cooper, someone came through for me, but they wouldn’t show their face. Cora said, that usually this means, that the person is nervous or scared to come talk, as they feel embarrassed, guilty or ashamed. More details slowly started to come through. The spirit was a woman, who died of a cancer low in the abdominal area. Almost like ovarian cancer, but not quite. The spirit started talking about how she was “sorry for being unfair” to me. How she wanted me to know, that she did love me, but had a hard time expressing it because of the situation we were in. She asked me for forgiveness. She also showed me using her lip balm ALL the time, which annoyed her. I knew who it was. It was my step mom Cheryl. Finally, after all these years, all that pent up emotion came flooding out, relieving pain throughout my entire heart. That’s all I wanted to hear, and I finally got to hear it. Why hadn’t she come forward before? I don’t know. But, I do know, she is sorry, she is at peace, and very proud of the relationship I have with her children. If you would like to know more about my relationship with Cheryl, please go and read my blog post entitled “This is Us”, to understand the true emotion behind this medium connection.

Then came the moment I know my husband was waiting for, and his brother Brandon came through. Most of this experience is not for me to tell. I was there listening, but the messages were for Jory, and Jory alone. I will tell you that it was amazing, and it left my husband feeling extremely comforted knowing that his brother is alright. Brandon told us he is often with our children, and he is extremely entertained watching their personalities grow, and watching Jory and I try to figure out parenting them.

As the session was wrapping up, I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit jilted. I mean, I know I had talked to my dad previously, but what the hell? Did he not want to see me again? Did he have nothing to say? Cora understood my frustration, explaining that spirits come with messages to her, in order of the importance of the messages. Sometimes it’s hard with two people in on a session, as one may get more messages than the other. She then agreed to go over our time, to see if there was anyone else for me she could tap into, which I extremely appreciated. She did her thing, and a spirit was coming forward. “Ok, we have a small very forceful older woman, who is insisting she is your grandma”. I burst out laughing saying “that's my Aunty Martha again, I love her lots, but I have talked to her before, and that’s not who I was hoping to connect with”. Sorry Aunty. Step aside. Please don’t haunt me for that one.

We tried again. This time, it was my father. We had a really quick chat, where he laughed about the karma of my daughter’s behaviour and her strong personality, and I asked him a few questions I wanted answers to. But, typical dad… still very standoffish, and not wanting to engage in anything that could result in conflict. I couldn’t help but laugh. What a guy. Overall, my end takeaway from our conversation, was that he was still doing ok, and watches over us every day.

After this last experience, Jory and I sat in a peaceful silence for a long time with our tear stained cheeks. Finally he turned to me and said, “You know what’s funny? They are all ok. Every person we talked to is doing ok. That’s what I needed to hear”. After he said that, my mind went all over the place. That sentence through me for a loop. All this time I was questioning my faith, my religious beliefs of heaven and an afterlife of some kind, and HERE was this massive realization at the forefront, that I had been taught my entire life, deep down I always hoped was true, offering me immense relief. I was taught that after death, there is a heaven, it’s beautiful, everyone is happy, and you are reunited with your previously passed loved ones. A true paradise. And even though no one that came through in the medium sessions confirmed to me, “yes Kelsey there is a god” or “yes Kelsey there is a heaven”, they all said they were ok. No pain, no suffering, no loneliness. Pain, suffering and loneliness, truly is for the living on earth. It was there in my heart all the time, I just needed something to strengthen my faith, and allow me to believe what I have always known. Now, I know I do.

I know it’s human nature to grieve, and sometimes that grief can change a person’s life forever. Sometimes, being lost in that grief, and not embracing it, can wreck your life if you let it. Hell, the last three years of my life, and the personal struggles I have gone through, are a testament! But, the ironic thing is, your loved ones would never want you to live like that. They would hate to see you wasting your life mourning them and hurting yourself, especially when THEY don't get to have their life anymore. But they are ok. They aren't hurting. What a weird thing it was, hearing how good my father was doing for a third time. It almost made me feel stupid for being so torn up about his death, letting it consume me and deteriorate my mental health. So, I decided from now on, I want to miss him, cry over missing him every now and then, and smile at the amazing memories we had together. No more hurting over the past, or the trauma of his death. It's time to let it out, let it go, and move forward. Easier said than done, but I will sure try.

It still sucks when our loved ones are gone, but there is still a life to live. If meeting with the mediums has taught me anything, it’s about trusting your faith, whatever that faith may be, that you will see your family again. We have loved ones on earth that need our attention and our heart. Let's not take one minute of that for granted if we can help it.

So, after reading this lengthy blog the real question many of you may have, is “Are mediums and psychics legit? Are they worth it?” Well, here is a summary of my observations…

1. All three mediums had my Aunty Martha, pushing through to talk to me

2. The two “psychic mediums” (Cori didn’t do any psychic readings on us) both predicted many things in my life that have now come true. Just waiting on the one thing….

3. All three mediums knew exactly how each of our family members had died

4. All three mediums, talked about things that no one else could possibly know.

So, I would say…ya! These women I had the pleasure of seeing, possess an amazing gift!

Visiting a medium or psychic one time in your life, I would definitely recommend, if you have an open mind. Even if you don’t, they still may surprise you. Whether you are looking to reconnect with a loved one to aid in your emotional healing, looking for answers/guidance, or perhaps just wanting to satisfy your curiosity. It’s a very cool experience that I am extremely grateful I was able to have, multiple times.