Since I was a little girl, I have always had a love for the finer, not necessarily more expensive, but indulgent things in life. Some may have even called me “high maintenance”. I learned about finding joy in big or little, material or spiritual luxuries, very early. Perhaps it was that certain chaotic situations were unfolding in my life, and I became obsessed with finding joy and relaxation to escape. While some young girls were playing “tea party” or requesting certain Barbie's for birthday gifts, I was playing “spa day” in my bedroom, with homemade face masks, a fluffy bathrobe, horribly painted toenails, and cucumber slices on my eyes. I was also celebrity obsessed (I was going to be famous one day), and I needed to keep up with all the beauty trends, according to Seventeen magazine, and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson.
One of my favorite birthday gifts EVER, that I begged constantly for, was when my mother took me to a real spa in the city. It was located inside an old Victorian house, and had a mineral pool in the basement! I was so intrigued with all the treatments offered, that went beyond physical care. I remember not only enjoying pedicures, the sauna, facials and massage, but also a meditation room filled with crystals, and education provided by the eccentric spa owner, about positive energies and aromatherapy. I had never thought deeply about spiritual self care, or pursuing joy and positivity as a form of it. While this perfect day only further intrigued my thirst for knowledge on the topic, a lot of my “Self Care” education, unknowingly first came from spending lots of time with my maternal grandmother.
My grandma Lucy is one of a kind. She loves trying new skincare and makeup, loves dressing up in fine clothes and jewelry, curses like a sailor, loves visiting with friends, and she gets her hair done once a week. She is 92, almost 93, and she looks like a million bucks. Seriously, ask anyone in our small town, Lucy ALWAYS looks put together. She spent her life working extremely hard, raising three children, juggling jobs, volunteering for numerous organizations, babysitting grandchildren, and helped run the family farm with my grandfather. She is also an amazing cook, and no visitor or farm hand, EVER went hungry under her care. Grandma worked hard, but she played harder. She rewarded herself with little luxuries, that this impressionable little girl, sure noticed.
Grandma may have gotten down and dirty in the garden, and other areas working on the farm, but when the work was done, she liked to indulge in home cooked meals or baking, enjoy a glass of Royal Red with girlfriends, utilize her subscription to her gossip magazines, douse herself with one of the many expensive perfumes in her collection, and possess bedroom décor fit for a queen, silk pillows included. She enjoyed occasional (but not reckless) retail therapy with her hard-earned money, boasting a capsule wardrobe with the most beautiful/fashionable clothing, she invested in the most elegant china for entertaining, and Hawaii was often her vacation of choice every year in the low season. But it wasn’t always about the material rewards. Grandma loved taking long bubble baths, sunbathing in between planting potatoes with a cold beer in hand, watching her favorite shows in her comfy rocking chair, afternoon naps, coffee breaks, playing pieces on the piano, and Saturday night polka dance parties in the kitchen.
Now, as an adult trying to navigate my own life, I realize those “luxuries” my grandmother indulged in, shouldn’t have been seen that way at all. That was her form of “Self Care”. Feeling presentable in appearance, surrounding herself with beautiful décor, and “smelling like a rose”, made her feel put together. It gave her confidence to conquer each day. Taking time to read, rest, socialize, or learn a new song on the piano, was a mental break from the everyday chaos of the world. I truly believe that my grandma practicing self care tailored to her needs, is why she has lived a long and prosperous life. She knew her boundaries, she learned what replenished her soul, and practiced what brought her joy. She was a better woman because of it. She has encountered her share of drama and heartbreak, but she learned what coping mechanisms pushed her through. She took care of herself, while taking care of others. She found balance, which can look different for everyone.
My personal form of self care has somewhat altered over time, even though I find certain material things still bring me joy. I mean, doesn’t a hot chai tea latte, fresh hair, new clothes, that perfect shade of lip-gloss or a killer pair of heels, make everyone feel good? However, I found retail therapy to be a short-term fix, especially the older I became, when my stresses became more serious. Sometimes taking a day to get out of the house, and wander through stores is EXACTLY what YOU may need. But I found it wasn’t often feasible with my personal family lifestyle, or financially responsible whenever I needed a pick me up. Trying to juggle many roles and responsibilities, I found I was burning out too often, without a long-term solution. I tried dressing for success, like my grandmother liked doing, because at least if I looked good, maybe I would feel good. I found it gave me a bit of confidence, but that would only be temporary. It created a mask, that I began to hide behind. There was too much going on inside me, that feeling pretty for a day, couldn’t fix. I need to be clear, in NO WAY am I judging personal coping mechanisms, and forms of self care for others. I know certain things work for some people, and do not work for others. Just like my grandma’s ways, while I appreciated them, as my life evolved, I found myself looking for different, and easier on my wallet forms of self care. Something more tailored for my soul. It took a lot of trial and error to figure out what worked for me and brought me joy, but when I did, it became a priority for me to function.
Every person is different, and your own self care rituals will continue to adapt with your own life. That being said, I want to share a few things that help rejuvenate my soul, push through stress, anxiety and depression, and have allowed myself to welcome an overall healthier lifestyle when needed. I want to share my self care habits, to perhaps give you ideas to try, or encourage you to find your own methods.
1. Essential Oils/Aromatherapy – I am by no means an essential oil guru. However, I have friends who have introduced me to their healing properties, and from the basic knowledge I have absorbed, I find they work wonders. The essential oil world can be overwhelming, but a quick Pinterest search, can easily help you find what types of oils aid with certain ailments. I do like Young Living Essential oils, because they are strong and great quality. I did find them to be quite expensive, and because my commitment to oils is limited, I can’t always justify the investment. However, I do recommend Thieves for immunity, Peace and Calming for relaxation (I often bathe with this one), and Gentle Baby for a colicky child. I found I like to diffuse the oils, more than topically applying, so I prefer diffuser blends for that purpose. They have great bundles of essential oils for different needs. I personally love their Sweet Dreams collection, their Happy Home collection, as well as The Best of Saje collection. Great varieties, great product, and much more affordable. Their Peppermint Halo roller to apply topically, is also amazing for concentration, nausea, and headaches.
2. Meditation – Meditation is also a practice that it fairly new to me. I have a lot of work to do, but the benefits claimed, make it worth the effort. Regular meditating can provide mental clarity, increase energy, reduce anxiety, aid in healthy sleep patterns, reduce stress and pain, slow the aging process, improve memory, and sex life. Yes please! From what I understand, meditating, is practicing stillness, connecting with your body's needs, controlling your thoughts, and overall reaching a level of relaxation. They say that with steady practice, meditation can teach you to calm your anxiety anywhere, at any given time. I am a Beach Body on Demand subscriber, and they provide some great beginner, 10-minute meditations tailored to your needs. I need to be honest; I find it extremely difficult to turn my brain off, and I find it entertaining where my thoughts travel when I’m trying to focus on the meditations. I do think I get a bit better every time though. Jory has even started meditating with me a few times. He usually falls asleep, but maybe because he is so relaxed? We usually meditate right before we go to bed. I diffuse one of my favorite night time essential oils, my racing thoughts somewhat calm, and my brain prepares for sleep. As for the long-term benefits, only time will tell. But overall, I really enjoy the relaxation. Worth a shot!
3. Practise Gratitude – This practise, is something my counsellor advised. It helps train my brain from always succumbing to my anxiety, and thinking negatively. Honestly, as cheesy as it sounds, it works. Jory and I almost every night right after meditating, will ask each other to list three things we were grateful for throughout the day. They can be big things, like being grateful for spending quality time with my children, or little things, like enjoying a hot cup of coffee. You have to list three, no matter how shitty the day. On days where we haven’t been able to do it together, I have a journal where I will write mine down. This practise has also cooled some heated martial arguments. There have been nights where Jory and I are barely speaking, then he will turn to me and say “what are you grateful for?” It actually pisses me off, and I may or may not say “you don’t deserve to hear what I’m grateful for!”, to be extra dramatic. Shortly after, I feel ridiculous…and start listing my three things.
4. Read more/limit screen time – I am SO bad for zoning out mindlessly watching something on tv, or wasting hours scrolling through social media. Sometimes, these channels contain too much negativity, and my mind feels heavy or like mush after consuming. I have been trying to get into a habit of reading again, instead of looking to technology for entertainment. I can go through books fast (more so before having children), and I can’t justify spending lots of money on books I will more than likely read once, so, the local library has proved to be a great resource. I do prefer a physical book, as opposed to reading on a device (because of my technology addiction), but the library actually has paper AND electronic books to suit your preference! Seems like a no brainer to me.
5. Baths – Every Wednesday and Sunday evening, I have a “Spa Night”. WTF is a Spa Night? It’s an evening when, after supper, my husband will agree to get the kids to bed, and clean up from supper, which then allows me to go have a long bubble bath. I will shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows, paint my toenails, do a facial, and soak as long as I want in the tub, reading or watching a movie with candlelight. With our chaotic schedules, it’s the only time I get to groom myself. You may think this isn’t fair, or wonder, "doesn’t Jory get alone time too?!" Of course he does! He just prioritizes other things. Its about balance, and compromise. Plus, what husband is going to complain about his wife taking time to shave?
6. Walks/Exercise – Exercise, is so important. I cannot stress this enough. It’s obviously good for your physical health, but it can work magic for your mental health as well. I try to workout five days a week, utilizing the many different workouts my Beach Body on Demand membership offers. It’s also something my husband and I usually do together, for motivation and encouragement. My main goal, is not necessarily looking a certain way, but feeling a certain way. When I do take breaks from working out, I feel sluggish, I have zero energy, and my joints start to ache. I feel like shit. Therefore, this has become a priority in my life, even if just for a quick walk outside. I recently discovered my love for bike rides, and that has now become one of my favorite forms of physical activity, that I genuinely look forward to! Nothing beats biking through the country, blasting music, sun on my back, and fresh air! The biggest thing, is to find something that you love doing, or it will feel like a chore, and you may not prioritize it.
7. Healthy Eating – I don’t think this needs much explanation. Eat like shit, feel like shit. I don’t deprive myself, and if I want a donut, I’m going to have a donut. Maybe two. But for the most part, I try to nourish my body properly. To be completely transparent, I do battle with this, as food has sometimes become a way to self sabotage, rid myself of guilt, or at other times become a level of comfort. But at the end of the day, I know I need to focus on healthier habits to feel better. It’s just not something that comes easy to me, so it’s something I will keep working on.
8. Drinking Water – Again, something that shouldn’t need lots of explanation. Your body needs water. It can’t function without it. Something that should be so obvious and simple, some days isn’t for me. I personally find it VERY hard to drink lots of water, when I am going through bouts of depression. When I do hit that deep slump, I know I need to regroup, and focus on my coping mechanisms and self care practises to pull me through. Drinking water, is usually the first step. If there is nothing else I can bring myself to accomplish in a day, I at least aim to achieve my daily water intake. When I do drink lots of water, my skin is clearer, my thoughts have clarity, my gut health is better, and my joints don’t ache.
9. Setting Boundaries – As mentioned in a previous blog post, Jory and I are people pleasers, which can usually result in being taken advantage of. We allow it to happen, and it is something we are trying to resolve. We now have serious conversations about our mental health limits, and how we can set boundaries with certain people, certain situations, and certain tasks, for our health. Some people may see boundaries as a malicious, or personal attack. I have learned setting boundaries is beneficial for everyone involved in your life. If you are pushed past your boundaries, you burn out, your patience deteriorates, and your anxiety takes over. From my own experience, this can cause hurtful and negative reactions/situations. Take the time to listen to your body. Listen to what it can handle, and what it can’t. Stick to it. Sometimes easier said than done, that’s why finding a support person to help enforce those boundaries, is extremely beneficial.
10. Enjoy my Family – Some days, when I feel mentally heavy, the best thing I can do for my heart and soul, is spend quality time with my husband and kids. My children, are sometimes the only thing that can pull me through a dark day, and basking in their playful innocence, is a “happy pill” on its own. I’m talking about moments, enjoying good old-fashioned fun, with no distractions, no time limit, no perfect expectations, no premeditated plans. Just enjoying each other. We do things like, making forts in the living room with popcorn and a movie, play a game, or go enjoy an activity outside. Sometimes trying to create those moments can seriously backfire, children are quite temperamental after all, but when it does work, my heart feels beyond full. Even some times when these things turn out disastrous, maybe not in that exact moment, but later, the memory can be something to treasure.
Whatever your own form of self care may be, please prioritize it. Your mental and physical health depend on it. I understand that life happens, and sometimes you will put yourself on the back burner. That sometimes you will feel lazy, or you will get into a rut, where helping yourself seems impossible. However, always remember your coping mechanisms and forms of Self Care, to help pull you out of a dark space. Be patient, and give them time to work their magic. Some people may not understand your special time for self care, or see it as “Selfish”. Those people aren’t worth your time or energy, and perhaps ridding your life of them, or setting boundaries with them, will be something added to your self care routine. You do you, and worry about you. Taking care of yourself, and finding ways to refresh and restart, make you a better/happier person, which has a domino effect on the rest of your life, and will enrich the lives of those around you as well. After many conversations, my husband now understands and notices how dramatically different I am when taking care of myself, and allowing that personal growth. I have more patience, more empathy, I am joyful, I have more energy, and am more appreciative of my blessings. Everyone needs a break or a little pick me up, so take the time. Communicate it, plan it, and execute it. You and your life, are worth it.
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